Would you play an unwinnable game?
The bar rises higher and higher, the judges are biased against you, and the spectators berate you for every single mistake. This game isn’t just hard, it’s impossible. It may be unwinnable and no fun, but you probably play it all the same.
Do you play the Productivity Game?
Some of us track our daily productivity with a score from one to ten. When we feel accomplished, we give ourselves a high score. A low score means we didn’t do enough and aren’t a productive person.
I used to focus so much on what I did in life that it took me away from living it.
Tracking progress seems like the fastest path to improvement, but we tend to take it too far. This score becomes unhelpful when we give it too much weight. It creates self criticism, frustration, and limits action. That’s because we don’t play fair with ourselves. The game is rigged from the start.
There is a conflict of interest on the field because we are both the player and the judge. Our inner judge always leaves room for improvement. Even if we feel accomplished, we refuse to give ourselves a ten out of ten. “We can do even better,” we think. When we play, we go for something we will never actually allow ourselves to achieve. We throw ourselves in between our own striving and self judgement.
We can also get carried away by the drama in the stands. Not only are we the player and judge, we are the spectator too. The fans say they are on our side, but the celebrations are short lived and they can quickly turn sour. The spectators turn on the player with nasty and cruel comments. They don’t hesitate to berate us the second that play turns south.
The game is set up like the proverbial donkey with a carrot and a stick. The carrot is in front of our face but just out of reach. We think we are going for the carrot but only end up whacking ourself with a stick. Thoughts like “you didn’t even try,” and “you never do anything right,” sting us as we toil forward. Even though it hurts, a masochistic part of us liked the abuse because we think it will help us do better.
We beat ourselves mercilessly with the stick of criticism. Even if we stop long enough to get the carrot, we will only move it farther away. The judge might give us a 10 out of 10 one day, but more is needed to get the same result the next. We repeat this cycle, raising the bar until it is completely out of reach. We trap ourselves with our own impossible standards.
If the game is unwinnable, takes up headspace, and isn’t kind, why do we play?
Many people worry that they won’t do as well in the world if they aren’t hypervigilant about monitoring their progress. They believe this mental game is the only thing keeping them on track.
It seems so essential because they tie what they do in a day to their own self worth. Accomplishment makes them feel worthy. How else could they prove they have value if they don’t get stuff done?
If they could end this cycle of self-evaluation, they would find more mental energy. Ironically, the mind does better when it isn’t constantly monitoring its own progress. A free mind can be used more creatively. It allows room for new ideas, inspiration, and enjoyment.
If you want to stop playing the Productivity Game, realize that the game is unwinnable and unhelpful. Even if the game feels terrible, you will play as long as you think you are getting something out of it.
Then you can play a different game. The game changes when you stop identifying with the judge and the spectator. Be the player. That’s it. When you are the player and only the player, the game changes from one of judgement and self criticism to one of simple action. The judges may still give their ratings and the audience jeers, but you aren’t worried about that. Elite stars of any sport don’t let anyone get into their heads, especially themselves. They stay in their element and play their own game. They perform best with less pressure, even when the stakes are the highest. You can do that too.
It you want to experience that clarity, it may mean realizing a pretty cool fact about yourself:
You are amazing before you do anything in the world.
Before accomplishment, before productivity, and before self criticism, you are amazing.
What if you wake up amazing every day and then think your way out of it? You don’t mean to, but it seems like a good idea to make sure you measure up. You miss out on how amazing you are when you focus your attention elsewhere.
Kids don’t measure how many pictures they draw or how many times they swing on the swing. They play for the sake of playing.
You can be more present in everyday activities when you do them for their own sake. Stop doing in order to prove yourself. You become more forgiving, understanding, and loving when you aren’t constantly keeping score.
If you aren’t amazing because of your achievements, you are free to be amazing because of who you are.
You want the world to be a better place. You want the best for yourself and others. Sure, fears and judgements can get in your way, but they aren’t who you are. You always have pure intentions. Who you are is pretty amazing.
If you aren’t willing to grant yourself that, you are also amazing just because you are alive. Every human is a moving miracle. You are brimming with vibrant life energy. It’s easy to forget that over sixty trillion cells work together to let you experience the world. Your body creates around 200 billion red blood cells every day. Talk about being productive!
What if self worth and productivity didn’t have anything to do with each other? The only reason they seem related is because you connected them in your mind. You don’t need to tie self worth to what you accomplish.
Let go of the urge to rate yourself on your productivity. Explore the space before your own self judgement. Disidentify with your inner judge and critic.
Recognize how amazing you are.
If you give yourself the permission to stop keeping score, you won’t be as lazy as you fear. It might seem like laziness overtakes you at first. You have been pushing yourself for so long. That will settle and balance out. You will still get done what makes sense to get done. Without all the self imposed pressure, you can still be productive
You might be surprised how productive you are when productivity isn’t the point.
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